TIA

Never have I listened to so much DMB. Or kept my feet up from so many cockroaches at night. Or actually seen the milky way clearly. Or eaten so many beans. Or been crammed on a dala-dala (a city “bus” that’s only supposed to hold 10 people) with over double the people of what it holds....and how come I’m always the most sweaty person on there?? These people are walking around too before they get on!! Never have I seen monkeys in the middle of the city, walking on telephone wires. Or have I felt so rushed to use the internet- 1,000 shillings (about $.82) for a half hour when the internet is as slow as dial up is considered agonizing in my mind.  Never have I seen a teacher tell a little boy to strip naked in front of his classmates to “wash his bod” for a “tutorial” during school. Unreal.

I have never been touched, grabbed, pulled on, slapped on the butt, or had my face fingered up by so many dirty little hands plastered with crusty porridge and sweat and filth. Never have I wanted to understand a 6 year old more, either. This language barrier sucks. Can I just say how much I love it though? Glorious. I literally say on Friday nights, “I can’t wait until Monday when I get to hold my babies again”. 

We were dragged through a smelly street market on Monday with vendors yelling, “Sista, Sista! Karibu!” or “Muzungus! Habarri Muzungus! Mambo! Karibu!” After smiling politely, and saying “Hapana, asante” to each of them, we finally reached our destination; a tiny- not even 8x8 shop- with balled up uniforms in tiny plastic bags, everywhere. We waited as Aamina (the teacher) and I negotiated prices and they dug through the piles of sweaters that were waiting to find homes. We needed 36; 12 each in 3 different sizes. After about 15 minutes of about 4 men running back and forth to Lord knows where and us waiting for the sweaters to reach only half that magic number, we decided to head out and say we’d be back tomorrow. After leaving and walking for almost a mile, one of the men chased us down and made sure we were coming back. Weird. “Yes sir, you’ll get our business... just make sure all 36 are there tomorrow”. They weren’t ready by the way.

I've also never been to an African "petting zoo" filled with tortoises, chameleons, monkeys, and snakes. I have, however, been pooped on by birds before... but never by one as huge as today's. Are you kidding me??! No. Discusting. Mama Joe said I'll have good luck today :)

Oh! And I can’t forget our Valentines dinner from the guys. We went to this Italian/Indian restaurant where the special for Valentine’s day was heart shaped pizzas. The pizza was good, and the beer was like a buck forty but the music was cheesy Kelly Clarkson or lame 80’s. During the course of dinner the entire city lost power 3 times. Romantic. Haha. 

TIA. All of these things are Africa to me now. Tanzania, Africa. 

Missing Mwangi... and the rest of Kenya

This is a longer post, so bare with me. It’s all on my week in Kenya and future posts will not be this long. I promise :)

We’ve been in Tanzania for four days but before my mind is completely and totally captivated by Arusha and it’s people and the children of Sokoine One especially, I wanted to share a little bit of Kenya and the reasons I will miss being there.

The purpose of our time in Kenya was to refresh and prepare. Three out of the four of us have already been to various parts of Africa, so that’s what I mean by “refresh”. We wanted to get that taste back in our mouths again (although, I think I speak for everyone when I say it never really left), and take some time to just let ourselves remember and get all that is Africa back into our souls. We also wanted our time in Kenya to be fruitful and a time of preparing.  This is where the Snell’s come in. Greg and Deb were such a huge blessing to us and really opened up their lives, home and ministry to us unreservedly. We are forever grateful for them. 

After dinking around in Nairobi a little bit and getting “settled”, we headed to the mountains where the Snell’s ministry site is- about 45 minutes to an hour outside of the city. Eagles Wings is unfinished, but beyond beautiful... I’d have to agree with the unbiased couple that their lot has the best view of the plains, mountain sides and lake Naivasha. It’s just incredible. We slept in these tiny, quaint cottages owned by a couple from the UK who have been living in Green Park (just outside of Naivasha- where Eagles Wings is) for about 20 years. 

We’d eat breakfast most mornings over-looking the plains with game roaming and the mountains as a backdrop. Captivating. During the day, we would all pile in the Toyota (60% of the vehicles in Kenya are Toyota’s) and make our bumpy way down the mountain and into the local village, Lolida. We got to ask questions to the administration and the students of the primary and secondary schools there. We even had a meeting set up with the heads of a trust, which is located in the UK, that has been working to come along side this community and help these schools thrive. Although in slum, this non-government-dependent school is remarkably ranked third in it’s class over a huge list of schools that are supported by the government. In 2008, they were ranked first! It was so refreshing to see how a community with so little can have so much heart and passion to learn. 

Now that you have a basic understanding of what a typical day was like for us, I will continue on with some of my favorite moments and reasons why I’ll miss Kenya and how it will forever have a special place in my heart.

1. Golfing the third hole at the Great Rift Valley’s golf course in Green Park. I’ll remember this as the most beautiful view while golfing I’ve ever seen. The green aside, and at sunset- the view couldn’t have been more spectacular. And this was all for $7 US dollars, people. Not even kidding. On a side note, I will choose to forget how my team lost because my long game sucked and my partner’s short game blew..... ahem, Andrew. ;)

2. Seeing Kenya’s future... and that it’s so much brighter than I could have thought. We got the chance to ask and answer questions from kids in a secondary school which was so awesome. The thought-provoking questions were so sincere and rich. It was humbling to be able to give advice and share our stories with students whom I can honestly say I’ve never seen more driven and hungry for knowledge.

3. Laughing with new friends. Greg and Deb are so corky it’s hilarious. I can remember   so many instances in our cottages alone, enjoying the funny things one or the other said. Greg, he has these one-liners... “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” he’d say when I’d ask how he was. The guy is so smart too. One night after dropping us off, Deb was backing up this hill surrounded by trees and she suddenly whipped it in reverse and smoked a tree behind her. “What was that?!” she cackled out of the window. On the second night we lovingly deemed them the names “Grell and Dell”. Gosh, I will really miss them and their home. God truly did show us beautiful people, living in a beautiful country, serving a beautiful King. 

4.Nights under a blanked canvas of twinkling stars in the mountains. Listening to some of the strangest sounds of God’s creation below and around me that were yet so lovely to me. My eyes and ears were so lucky then.

5. Freely being able to walk my way out to a wild giraffe with my friends. Frolicking towards it taking pictures like idiots until it gracefully runs away from the crazy muzungu’s. 

6. I will miss being taught fractions by the standard 8 class. They were so proud to show me how to do it. And I will confess, I knew less than they did. Africa:1 Jenna:0. 

7. Meeting Mwangi. I think this is what I will miss the most of Kenya. It’s funny how just a few short conversations can give me so much life. Mwangi and his family live with the Snell’s in Green Park and Mwangi is like their right hand man. I was so blessed to have the chance to sit and talk with him one night at a bonfire we had down on the plains. (On a side note, we made s’mores, African style: with African cookies, chocolate sauce and pink and white marshmallows). Anyways, Mwangi explained to me that he really wants to share the love of Christ with his friends and even random people he comes into contact with on a daily basis. He confessed he’s scared because most of them are educated and he is not. As we sat and chatted, I was able to encourage him with scripture and wisdom from my own walk. We exchanged contact info and I remember praying for him and his family that night; asking God to supply him with a confidence and boldness to follow his heart. 

Mwangi and his wife were diagnosed with AIDS a few years ago. They knew of Jesus and some of His teachings. While at someone’s house, a televangelist on t.v was saying that a couple watching and affected by AIDS should stand up and receive healing. With Mwangi’s small faith, they stood up and prayed with the man over the t.v. They went back to the doctor who was shocked to tell them that there was no trace of the disease in either of their bodies. Amen. They were healed by Jesus. 

As you can imagine, I wept at the telling of this story... and I remember asking God to never let me forget Mwangi’s kind of faith and in turn, Jesus’s big healing. In Matthew 17, Jesus’ disciples were unable to drive out a demon in a boy and asked Jesus why. He pointed to their lack of faith. It is the power of God, not our faith, that moves mountains, that heals someone with AIDS.... but faith, no matter how small, even as small as a mustard seed, must be present to do so. Even Mwangi’s small and underdeveloped faith was sufficient. This faith, I will pray for and more. Mwangi has forever inspired me.

LOVE to all back home...... more to come.....

"off i go"....... finally HERE.

"loose ends tangle down and then take flight,

but never tie me down

never tie me down

off i go...

where i fall

is where i land"

well.... loose ends are tangled and i honestly feel like im leaving behind several "loose ends" as i gear up for what will surely be one of the most craziest things i've ever done. as most of you know, i'll be away in Africa for a few months. i don't even think it's actually hit me yet. i don't know if it will until i'm two weeks in.

i love the meaning of this song by greg laswell called "off i go".  even though back home, things might be "tangled up" or even a little messy, i know God has come before me HERE. i've prayed it. i can already see it in so many instances and we're only 2 days in!

it's almost 3am where i am in nairobi, kenya, and i can't sleep. there are dogs barking outside and what seems to be the strangest sounding bird (possibly in labor) that i've ever heard. karissa is sleeping next to me and the guys are in the room next to us. so many cool "God moments" have happened so far. we have been blessed!

-we all overpacked... or, the scales at the MSP airport add an extra 5lbs. either way, jan at delta, was wonderful and waved all of our fees and pushed our bags through.
-we literally ran through the chicago o'hare airport, home alone style, to catch our connecting flight to amsterdam. once on the plane, we were greeted warmly by people who didn't seem to mind waiting an extra 45min so us four hooligans could make the flight. nice.
-karissa and i had an amazing conversation with a stewardess about work she did for 15 years in Kenya and throughout Africa and Asia on the same stuff we're doing. she gave us insight and other connections.... divine appointment for sure!
-making it through customs with ALL our bags in less than one minute. no kidding.
-the snells, greg and deb, who have welcomed us and given us an amazing place to stay. running water and actual toilets! yes!

tomorrow, we head to the snells ministry site in the mountains. we're really excited for this. we're so pumped to see kenya and prepare for the next couple months in tanzania. the mountains sound like a perfect place to do it ;)

check back here and also on LAVEGO'S site for updates and pictures/videos. i will also make a link to adam and andrew's blogs as well. pictures, pictures, pictures...... adam's got mad talent!

even though "loose ends are tangled up and try to tie me down", off i went and HERE i landed. in africa. God was and is here before me. i don't want to put God in a box. i want to be stretched here. that is my prayer. this is where i am supposed to be. right now. this is where i landed. i want desperately to tie up those loose ends back home and say i have them figured out.... but His timing is perfect and maybe He's not done with them yet. so, "off i go" and this is where i landed. let's get to work.

afterall, i am just a tree in the story of a forest. it's arrogant to think otherwise..... and the story of the forest is much more beautiful than the story of the tree.

Stupid Prayers

Early this morning... I was seriously chucking things up to God, left and right. Haha! I can only imagine what one would think if my thoughts were spewed out of my mouth onto paper; if my prayers were like love letters to God and they were found years later in an attic somewhere by some sixteen year old best friends. No question, they would laugh at the lashing out, the jumbled mess of infantile sentences and rationalities.

I don't care though. I don't. Because God thinks much more of my desires than of the words in which they are expressed. It may be natural for a scholar to consider the accuracy of my terms, but God especially notes the sincerity of people's souls, mine included. There really is no place where the heart should be so free as before the mercy seat.

And from our prayers, come blessings. The one who sowed these automatic seeds in our hard hearts in the first place, the one who watches us cracking up and breaking down, the one who gently gives us the questions and waits and watches while we learn to pray, that same God steps in to bless. To Him, our thoughts and desires are like splashes of vibrant color in a sea of endless black and white. They are beautiful.

Daydream

It's funny how things seem so difficult down here but when I think about singing my heaven song to the Lord someday.... everything here seems so small, so frivolous for the moment.

The words in this song, Heaven Song by Phil Wickham, give my heart a sense of indefinable joy. The strings at the end spark my imagination and soon, tears are running down my face and thoughts of colors I've never seen, people I've never met and finally bowing before my King, singing my song to Him, fill my mind.

I encourage you to listen to the words of this song and have a daydream of your own... just you and Your Heavenly Father. I pray you too, have an incredible sense of anticipation of singing with me someday, our heaven song to our Savior.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.'"

Revelation 21:1-3

My God, my soul is getting restless for the place I belong...

Drink.

From my Novemeber 10th journal entry...

My eye is twitching and has been for two days straight. It's got to be one of the most annoying things! When I'm not working, I like to read and write or work on things for the non-profit- who am I kidding, I do this all at work, regardless- and well, these couple days in particular have been quite vexing because of this little deterrent. Ugh.


Stress, irritation of the cornea, fatigue or lack of sleep, prolonged staring at a computer screen or  and a nervous system disorder are some of the causes for blepharospasm (eye twitching). For some reason, whenever this in-frequent hindrance occurs, I always think, "drink water, you're probably dehydrated". Could be the case. Why do I always think that? I must have heard that somewhere before.... okay, let me go grab another glass and drink.

Not only did I do that, but I prayed too. What the heck else was I to do. The water wasn't working. As I was praying... I laughed at the realization of the irony that was my life at that moment; me, thinking I needed water to help my eye when really, I had been struggling in the last few days to do devotionals and spend time with God. My previous journal entries were either non-exsistant or short and un-great with no truth to them. Maybe my body was right- my nervous system signaling by means of my twitching eye, to my heart and soul that what I really was, was thirsty for Jesus.


How is it that a true believer in Christ can become a dry soul when Jesus promised that “but those who drink the water i give will never be thirsty again...”. (John 4:14)


I have said many times before..... "I’d rather have You in the desert before water."

But why aren’t we thirsty for God sometimes? Maybe it's because we drink from the world’s table little by little until our souls are full?


Jeremiah 2:13 summed up says this: my people have committed these sins against me. they're thristy, they want a drink, but they don’t drink the fresh, clean, pure water... they drink from sewer holes.


Maybe God is thinking, "When you drink my water, your thirst is not destroyed forever. If it did that, would you feel any need of my water afterward? That is not my goal. I do not want self-sufficient saints. When you drink my water, it makes a spring in you, a spring satisfies thirst, not by removing the need you have for water, but by being there to give you water whenever you get thirsty. Again and again and again and again".

Today, I pray that I come thristy to my own spring within myself... that I stay far away from the world's extravagant fountain that sparkles and so many times seems cooler and better tasting. Not only this, but I pray that the sasisfaction it brings will turn into contentment in every and all circumstance.

Foghorns and Crickets

so lately i've been struggling with patience. patience in all aspects of life. i won't name the aspects- but just imagine every major "thing" in your life feeling like it's on the cusp of change or even at the "tipping point"... that's where i've been at for the last month or so. and it has kinda sucked to be honest.

you see, for many of these circumstances, i've been waiting for that audible voice to tell me what to do; to say things like, "okay go! do it! I'm backing you!" or "shut that door and move on!" or "not yet, I have something else in mind...". but instead of hearing a foghorn, i'm left with crickets.

not only have i come to embrace these crickets, but with their melody comes an overwhelming sense of peace i find i get when i completely surrender. instead of laying all these "things" and circumstances at the feet of Christ, the only Wise King, i have come to understand that my knuckles have turned white from trying to hold onto them myself.

so i went back to basics. i started with biblical conviction. i don't need an audible voice to tell me what to do all the time; the Word of God says "go!" it says "do!" and it says "love!". i can go, do and love... i can do all these things while waiting patiently for the other "things" in my life to fall into place. and over the past couple weeks, this same piece of scripture has rung loud in my head like a foghorn. it keeps popping up in sermons, in books, and in people: "...but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

playing this waiting game hasn't been fun. and trust me, i like rollercoasters- heck, i even jumped out of a plane!- but this last month or so has been one rager for sure and i haven't been this sick to my stomach in a long time. so as i wait patiently, and pray without doubt (Mark 11:23-25), i can continue to choose joy in the silence. i can choose to love first, no matter how confusing, how painful, how tired or how many lemons keep getting thrown at my face.

charles spurgen said, "we should love with a love that expects death." this means that i can choose to love first and help prepare those around me for the day when they'll see Jesus face to face. on all other accounts- every other playing field, i want this most. to do this, i'm going to let go. i'm laying these "things" down at the cross and walking in joy so i can love harder.