so lately i've been struggling with patience. patience in all aspects of life. i won't name the aspects- but just imagine every major "thing" in your life feeling like it's on the cusp of change or even at the "tipping point"... that's where i've been at for the last month or so. and it has kinda sucked to be honest.
you see, for many of these circumstances, i've been waiting for that audible voice to tell me what to do; to say things like, "okay go! do it! I'm backing you!" or "shut that door and move on!" or "not yet, I have something else in mind...". but instead of hearing a foghorn, i'm left with crickets.
not only have i come to embrace these crickets, but with their melody comes an overwhelming sense of peace i find i get when i completely surrender. instead of laying all these "things" and circumstances at the feet of Christ, the only Wise King, i have come to understand that my knuckles have turned white from trying to hold onto them myself.
so i went back to basics. i started with biblical conviction. i don't need an audible voice to tell me what to do all the time; the Word of God says "go!" it says "do!" and it says "love!". i can go, do and love... i can do all these things while waiting patiently for the other "things" in my life to fall into place. and over the past couple weeks, this same piece of scripture has rung loud in my head like a foghorn. it keeps popping up in sermons, in books, and in people: "...but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25
playing this waiting game hasn't been fun. and trust me, i like rollercoasters- heck, i even jumped out of a plane!- but this last month or so has been one rager for sure and i haven't been this sick to my stomach in a long time. so as i wait patiently, and pray without doubt (Mark 11:23-25), i can continue to choose joy in the silence. i can choose to love first, no matter how confusing, how painful, how tired or how many lemons keep getting thrown at my face.
charles spurgen said, "we should love with a love that expects death." this means that i can choose to love first and help prepare those around me for the day when they'll see Jesus face to face. on all other accounts- every other playing field, i want this most. to do this, i'm going to let go. i'm laying these "things" down at the cross and walking in joy so i can love harder.
