Stupid Prayers

Early this morning... I was seriously chucking things up to God, left and right. Haha! I can only imagine what one would think if my thoughts were spewed out of my mouth onto paper; if my prayers were like love letters to God and they were found years later in an attic somewhere by some sixteen year old best friends. No question, they would laugh at the lashing out, the jumbled mess of infantile sentences and rationalities.

I don't care though. I don't. Because God thinks much more of my desires than of the words in which they are expressed. It may be natural for a scholar to consider the accuracy of my terms, but God especially notes the sincerity of people's souls, mine included. There really is no place where the heart should be so free as before the mercy seat.

And from our prayers, come blessings. The one who sowed these automatic seeds in our hard hearts in the first place, the one who watches us cracking up and breaking down, the one who gently gives us the questions and waits and watches while we learn to pray, that same God steps in to bless. To Him, our thoughts and desires are like splashes of vibrant color in a sea of endless black and white. They are beautiful.

Daydream

It's funny how things seem so difficult down here but when I think about singing my heaven song to the Lord someday.... everything here seems so small, so frivolous for the moment.

The words in this song, Heaven Song by Phil Wickham, give my heart a sense of indefinable joy. The strings at the end spark my imagination and soon, tears are running down my face and thoughts of colors I've never seen, people I've never met and finally bowing before my King, singing my song to Him, fill my mind.

I encourage you to listen to the words of this song and have a daydream of your own... just you and Your Heavenly Father. I pray you too, have an incredible sense of anticipation of singing with me someday, our heaven song to our Savior.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.'"

Revelation 21:1-3

My God, my soul is getting restless for the place I belong...

Drink.

From my Novemeber 10th journal entry...

My eye is twitching and has been for two days straight. It's got to be one of the most annoying things! When I'm not working, I like to read and write or work on things for the non-profit- who am I kidding, I do this all at work, regardless- and well, these couple days in particular have been quite vexing because of this little deterrent. Ugh.


Stress, irritation of the cornea, fatigue or lack of sleep, prolonged staring at a computer screen or  and a nervous system disorder are some of the causes for blepharospasm (eye twitching). For some reason, whenever this in-frequent hindrance occurs, I always think, "drink water, you're probably dehydrated". Could be the case. Why do I always think that? I must have heard that somewhere before.... okay, let me go grab another glass and drink.

Not only did I do that, but I prayed too. What the heck else was I to do. The water wasn't working. As I was praying... I laughed at the realization of the irony that was my life at that moment; me, thinking I needed water to help my eye when really, I had been struggling in the last few days to do devotionals and spend time with God. My previous journal entries were either non-exsistant or short and un-great with no truth to them. Maybe my body was right- my nervous system signaling by means of my twitching eye, to my heart and soul that what I really was, was thirsty for Jesus.


How is it that a true believer in Christ can become a dry soul when Jesus promised that “but those who drink the water i give will never be thirsty again...”. (John 4:14)


I have said many times before..... "I’d rather have You in the desert before water."

But why aren’t we thirsty for God sometimes? Maybe it's because we drink from the world’s table little by little until our souls are full?


Jeremiah 2:13 summed up says this: my people have committed these sins against me. they're thristy, they want a drink, but they don’t drink the fresh, clean, pure water... they drink from sewer holes.


Maybe God is thinking, "When you drink my water, your thirst is not destroyed forever. If it did that, would you feel any need of my water afterward? That is not my goal. I do not want self-sufficient saints. When you drink my water, it makes a spring in you, a spring satisfies thirst, not by removing the need you have for water, but by being there to give you water whenever you get thirsty. Again and again and again and again".

Today, I pray that I come thristy to my own spring within myself... that I stay far away from the world's extravagant fountain that sparkles and so many times seems cooler and better tasting. Not only this, but I pray that the sasisfaction it brings will turn into contentment in every and all circumstance.