MOVING!

So I'm moving.

Heh. Okay, I can't lie. I'm not moving like you probably think. But I am moving this blog to WordPress.com- it has a new look and new feel so meet me there. You see, I have this problem with wanting to blog, tweet, update status' more but then I feel guilty for it or even just living my life gets in the way.... and I don't have time to experience something amazing or worth sharing and then whip out my laptop or phone to update. It's a problem. Especially since Lavego is such a huge part of my life and it's all about social networking!!! Ahhhhhh! So, in the meantime, I'm changing blog sites to maybe get a fresh outlook on it all.

Nevertheless, life continues on and for now, so will my blog. On WordPress. So far, I'm not completely ready to give up on the idea.

My New Blog

It's A Wonderful Life!

Wow. I can't believe how terribly I've failed at writing blogs while I've been away. Only two!? Lame, Jenna. 
Nevertheless, here I am.... after two months of being away in East Africa... updating you, the 4 readers of this blog, about this wonderful life I experienced while being away. Here is just one of the reasons why it was a wonderful life:

This is Mama Joe and her family (excluding Baba). From left to right: Karissa, Joe, Andrew, Mama Joe, Godlove, Adam, Aika, Me and Catherine. You see, we are now her babies. These are my brothers and sisters. It truly was awesome while living with Mama and her kids. They did everything to make us feel welcome and right at home. This family made my African living experience amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Not only did they provide us with our own rooms and food, but the kids actually called us their sisters and brothers and Mama called us her babies. They really loved us. They made sure we were safe, they escorted us places, and gave us tips.... such as "Don't love African Man" or "Be express, be clever, be careful". They taught me Swahili and we taught them how to play bags. Godlove came to bible study with us and Joe showed us night life in Arusha. After the girls came home from school, they cooked us lunches and dinners every day :) 

More to come on others we met.... but this is our family. Man, I miss them!

TIA

Never have I listened to so much DMB. Or kept my feet up from so many cockroaches at night. Or actually seen the milky way clearly. Or eaten so many beans. Or been crammed on a dala-dala (a city “bus” that’s only supposed to hold 10 people) with over double the people of what it holds....and how come I’m always the most sweaty person on there?? These people are walking around too before they get on!! Never have I seen monkeys in the middle of the city, walking on telephone wires. Or have I felt so rushed to use the internet- 1,000 shillings (about $.82) for a half hour when the internet is as slow as dial up is considered agonizing in my mind.  Never have I seen a teacher tell a little boy to strip naked in front of his classmates to “wash his bod” for a “tutorial” during school. Unreal.

I have never been touched, grabbed, pulled on, slapped on the butt, or had my face fingered up by so many dirty little hands plastered with crusty porridge and sweat and filth. Never have I wanted to understand a 6 year old more, either. This language barrier sucks. Can I just say how much I love it though? Glorious. I literally say on Friday nights, “I can’t wait until Monday when I get to hold my babies again”. 

We were dragged through a smelly street market on Monday with vendors yelling, “Sista, Sista! Karibu!” or “Muzungus! Habarri Muzungus! Mambo! Karibu!” After smiling politely, and saying “Hapana, asante” to each of them, we finally reached our destination; a tiny- not even 8x8 shop- with balled up uniforms in tiny plastic bags, everywhere. We waited as Aamina (the teacher) and I negotiated prices and they dug through the piles of sweaters that were waiting to find homes. We needed 36; 12 each in 3 different sizes. After about 15 minutes of about 4 men running back and forth to Lord knows where and us waiting for the sweaters to reach only half that magic number, we decided to head out and say we’d be back tomorrow. After leaving and walking for almost a mile, one of the men chased us down and made sure we were coming back. Weird. “Yes sir, you’ll get our business... just make sure all 36 are there tomorrow”. They weren’t ready by the way.

I've also never been to an African "petting zoo" filled with tortoises, chameleons, monkeys, and snakes. I have, however, been pooped on by birds before... but never by one as huge as today's. Are you kidding me??! No. Discusting. Mama Joe said I'll have good luck today :)

Oh! And I can’t forget our Valentines dinner from the guys. We went to this Italian/Indian restaurant where the special for Valentine’s day was heart shaped pizzas. The pizza was good, and the beer was like a buck forty but the music was cheesy Kelly Clarkson or lame 80’s. During the course of dinner the entire city lost power 3 times. Romantic. Haha. 

TIA. All of these things are Africa to me now. Tanzania, Africa. 

Missing Mwangi... and the rest of Kenya

This is a longer post, so bare with me. It’s all on my week in Kenya and future posts will not be this long. I promise :)

We’ve been in Tanzania for four days but before my mind is completely and totally captivated by Arusha and it’s people and the children of Sokoine One especially, I wanted to share a little bit of Kenya and the reasons I will miss being there.

The purpose of our time in Kenya was to refresh and prepare. Three out of the four of us have already been to various parts of Africa, so that’s what I mean by “refresh”. We wanted to get that taste back in our mouths again (although, I think I speak for everyone when I say it never really left), and take some time to just let ourselves remember and get all that is Africa back into our souls. We also wanted our time in Kenya to be fruitful and a time of preparing.  This is where the Snell’s come in. Greg and Deb were such a huge blessing to us and really opened up their lives, home and ministry to us unreservedly. We are forever grateful for them. 

After dinking around in Nairobi a little bit and getting “settled”, we headed to the mountains where the Snell’s ministry site is- about 45 minutes to an hour outside of the city. Eagles Wings is unfinished, but beyond beautiful... I’d have to agree with the unbiased couple that their lot has the best view of the plains, mountain sides and lake Naivasha. It’s just incredible. We slept in these tiny, quaint cottages owned by a couple from the UK who have been living in Green Park (just outside of Naivasha- where Eagles Wings is) for about 20 years. 

We’d eat breakfast most mornings over-looking the plains with game roaming and the mountains as a backdrop. Captivating. During the day, we would all pile in the Toyota (60% of the vehicles in Kenya are Toyota’s) and make our bumpy way down the mountain and into the local village, Lolida. We got to ask questions to the administration and the students of the primary and secondary schools there. We even had a meeting set up with the heads of a trust, which is located in the UK, that has been working to come along side this community and help these schools thrive. Although in slum, this non-government-dependent school is remarkably ranked third in it’s class over a huge list of schools that are supported by the government. In 2008, they were ranked first! It was so refreshing to see how a community with so little can have so much heart and passion to learn. 

Now that you have a basic understanding of what a typical day was like for us, I will continue on with some of my favorite moments and reasons why I’ll miss Kenya and how it will forever have a special place in my heart.

1. Golfing the third hole at the Great Rift Valley’s golf course in Green Park. I’ll remember this as the most beautiful view while golfing I’ve ever seen. The green aside, and at sunset- the view couldn’t have been more spectacular. And this was all for $7 US dollars, people. Not even kidding. On a side note, I will choose to forget how my team lost because my long game sucked and my partner’s short game blew..... ahem, Andrew. ;)

2. Seeing Kenya’s future... and that it’s so much brighter than I could have thought. We got the chance to ask and answer questions from kids in a secondary school which was so awesome. The thought-provoking questions were so sincere and rich. It was humbling to be able to give advice and share our stories with students whom I can honestly say I’ve never seen more driven and hungry for knowledge.

3. Laughing with new friends. Greg and Deb are so corky it’s hilarious. I can remember   so many instances in our cottages alone, enjoying the funny things one or the other said. Greg, he has these one-liners... “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” he’d say when I’d ask how he was. The guy is so smart too. One night after dropping us off, Deb was backing up this hill surrounded by trees and she suddenly whipped it in reverse and smoked a tree behind her. “What was that?!” she cackled out of the window. On the second night we lovingly deemed them the names “Grell and Dell”. Gosh, I will really miss them and their home. God truly did show us beautiful people, living in a beautiful country, serving a beautiful King. 

4.Nights under a blanked canvas of twinkling stars in the mountains. Listening to some of the strangest sounds of God’s creation below and around me that were yet so lovely to me. My eyes and ears were so lucky then.

5. Freely being able to walk my way out to a wild giraffe with my friends. Frolicking towards it taking pictures like idiots until it gracefully runs away from the crazy muzungu’s. 

6. I will miss being taught fractions by the standard 8 class. They were so proud to show me how to do it. And I will confess, I knew less than they did. Africa:1 Jenna:0. 

7. Meeting Mwangi. I think this is what I will miss the most of Kenya. It’s funny how just a few short conversations can give me so much life. Mwangi and his family live with the Snell’s in Green Park and Mwangi is like their right hand man. I was so blessed to have the chance to sit and talk with him one night at a bonfire we had down on the plains. (On a side note, we made s’mores, African style: with African cookies, chocolate sauce and pink and white marshmallows). Anyways, Mwangi explained to me that he really wants to share the love of Christ with his friends and even random people he comes into contact with on a daily basis. He confessed he’s scared because most of them are educated and he is not. As we sat and chatted, I was able to encourage him with scripture and wisdom from my own walk. We exchanged contact info and I remember praying for him and his family that night; asking God to supply him with a confidence and boldness to follow his heart. 

Mwangi and his wife were diagnosed with AIDS a few years ago. They knew of Jesus and some of His teachings. While at someone’s house, a televangelist on t.v was saying that a couple watching and affected by AIDS should stand up and receive healing. With Mwangi’s small faith, they stood up and prayed with the man over the t.v. They went back to the doctor who was shocked to tell them that there was no trace of the disease in either of their bodies. Amen. They were healed by Jesus. 

As you can imagine, I wept at the telling of this story... and I remember asking God to never let me forget Mwangi’s kind of faith and in turn, Jesus’s big healing. In Matthew 17, Jesus’ disciples were unable to drive out a demon in a boy and asked Jesus why. He pointed to their lack of faith. It is the power of God, not our faith, that moves mountains, that heals someone with AIDS.... but faith, no matter how small, even as small as a mustard seed, must be present to do so. Even Mwangi’s small and underdeveloped faith was sufficient. This faith, I will pray for and more. Mwangi has forever inspired me.

LOVE to all back home...... more to come.....

"off i go"....... finally HERE.

"loose ends tangle down and then take flight,

but never tie me down

never tie me down

off i go...

where i fall

is where i land"

well.... loose ends are tangled and i honestly feel like im leaving behind several "loose ends" as i gear up for what will surely be one of the most craziest things i've ever done. as most of you know, i'll be away in Africa for a few months. i don't even think it's actually hit me yet. i don't know if it will until i'm two weeks in.

i love the meaning of this song by greg laswell called "off i go".  even though back home, things might be "tangled up" or even a little messy, i know God has come before me HERE. i've prayed it. i can already see it in so many instances and we're only 2 days in!

it's almost 3am where i am in nairobi, kenya, and i can't sleep. there are dogs barking outside and what seems to be the strangest sounding bird (possibly in labor) that i've ever heard. karissa is sleeping next to me and the guys are in the room next to us. so many cool "God moments" have happened so far. we have been blessed!

-we all overpacked... or, the scales at the MSP airport add an extra 5lbs. either way, jan at delta, was wonderful and waved all of our fees and pushed our bags through.
-we literally ran through the chicago o'hare airport, home alone style, to catch our connecting flight to amsterdam. once on the plane, we were greeted warmly by people who didn't seem to mind waiting an extra 45min so us four hooligans could make the flight. nice.
-karissa and i had an amazing conversation with a stewardess about work she did for 15 years in Kenya and throughout Africa and Asia on the same stuff we're doing. she gave us insight and other connections.... divine appointment for sure!
-making it through customs with ALL our bags in less than one minute. no kidding.
-the snells, greg and deb, who have welcomed us and given us an amazing place to stay. running water and actual toilets! yes!

tomorrow, we head to the snells ministry site in the mountains. we're really excited for this. we're so pumped to see kenya and prepare for the next couple months in tanzania. the mountains sound like a perfect place to do it ;)

check back here and also on LAVEGO'S site for updates and pictures/videos. i will also make a link to adam and andrew's blogs as well. pictures, pictures, pictures...... adam's got mad talent!

even though "loose ends are tangled up and try to tie me down", off i went and HERE i landed. in africa. God was and is here before me. i don't want to put God in a box. i want to be stretched here. that is my prayer. this is where i am supposed to be. right now. this is where i landed. i want desperately to tie up those loose ends back home and say i have them figured out.... but His timing is perfect and maybe He's not done with them yet. so, "off i go" and this is where i landed. let's get to work.

afterall, i am just a tree in the story of a forest. it's arrogant to think otherwise..... and the story of the forest is much more beautiful than the story of the tree.

Stupid Prayers

Early this morning... I was seriously chucking things up to God, left and right. Haha! I can only imagine what one would think if my thoughts were spewed out of my mouth onto paper; if my prayers were like love letters to God and they were found years later in an attic somewhere by some sixteen year old best friends. No question, they would laugh at the lashing out, the jumbled mess of infantile sentences and rationalities.

I don't care though. I don't. Because God thinks much more of my desires than of the words in which they are expressed. It may be natural for a scholar to consider the accuracy of my terms, but God especially notes the sincerity of people's souls, mine included. There really is no place where the heart should be so free as before the mercy seat.

And from our prayers, come blessings. The one who sowed these automatic seeds in our hard hearts in the first place, the one who watches us cracking up and breaking down, the one who gently gives us the questions and waits and watches while we learn to pray, that same God steps in to bless. To Him, our thoughts and desires are like splashes of vibrant color in a sea of endless black and white. They are beautiful.

Daydream

It's funny how things seem so difficult down here but when I think about singing my heaven song to the Lord someday.... everything here seems so small, so frivolous for the moment.

The words in this song, Heaven Song by Phil Wickham, give my heart a sense of indefinable joy. The strings at the end spark my imagination and soon, tears are running down my face and thoughts of colors I've never seen, people I've never met and finally bowing before my King, singing my song to Him, fill my mind.

I encourage you to listen to the words of this song and have a daydream of your own... just you and Your Heavenly Father. I pray you too, have an incredible sense of anticipation of singing with me someday, our heaven song to our Savior.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.'"

Revelation 21:1-3

My God, my soul is getting restless for the place I belong...

Drink.

From my Novemeber 10th journal entry...

My eye is twitching and has been for two days straight. It's got to be one of the most annoying things! When I'm not working, I like to read and write or work on things for the non-profit- who am I kidding, I do this all at work, regardless- and well, these couple days in particular have been quite vexing because of this little deterrent. Ugh.


Stress, irritation of the cornea, fatigue or lack of sleep, prolonged staring at a computer screen or  and a nervous system disorder are some of the causes for blepharospasm (eye twitching). For some reason, whenever this in-frequent hindrance occurs, I always think, "drink water, you're probably dehydrated". Could be the case. Why do I always think that? I must have heard that somewhere before.... okay, let me go grab another glass and drink.

Not only did I do that, but I prayed too. What the heck else was I to do. The water wasn't working. As I was praying... I laughed at the realization of the irony that was my life at that moment; me, thinking I needed water to help my eye when really, I had been struggling in the last few days to do devotionals and spend time with God. My previous journal entries were either non-exsistant or short and un-great with no truth to them. Maybe my body was right- my nervous system signaling by means of my twitching eye, to my heart and soul that what I really was, was thirsty for Jesus.


How is it that a true believer in Christ can become a dry soul when Jesus promised that “but those who drink the water i give will never be thirsty again...”. (John 4:14)


I have said many times before..... "I’d rather have You in the desert before water."

But why aren’t we thirsty for God sometimes? Maybe it's because we drink from the world’s table little by little until our souls are full?


Jeremiah 2:13 summed up says this: my people have committed these sins against me. they're thristy, they want a drink, but they don’t drink the fresh, clean, pure water... they drink from sewer holes.


Maybe God is thinking, "When you drink my water, your thirst is not destroyed forever. If it did that, would you feel any need of my water afterward? That is not my goal. I do not want self-sufficient saints. When you drink my water, it makes a spring in you, a spring satisfies thirst, not by removing the need you have for water, but by being there to give you water whenever you get thirsty. Again and again and again and again".

Today, I pray that I come thristy to my own spring within myself... that I stay far away from the world's extravagant fountain that sparkles and so many times seems cooler and better tasting. Not only this, but I pray that the sasisfaction it brings will turn into contentment in every and all circumstance.

Foghorns and Crickets

so lately i've been struggling with patience. patience in all aspects of life. i won't name the aspects- but just imagine every major "thing" in your life feeling like it's on the cusp of change or even at the "tipping point"... that's where i've been at for the last month or so. and it has kinda sucked to be honest.

you see, for many of these circumstances, i've been waiting for that audible voice to tell me what to do; to say things like, "okay go! do it! I'm backing you!" or "shut that door and move on!" or "not yet, I have something else in mind...". but instead of hearing a foghorn, i'm left with crickets.

not only have i come to embrace these crickets, but with their melody comes an overwhelming sense of peace i find i get when i completely surrender. instead of laying all these "things" and circumstances at the feet of Christ, the only Wise King, i have come to understand that my knuckles have turned white from trying to hold onto them myself.

so i went back to basics. i started with biblical conviction. i don't need an audible voice to tell me what to do all the time; the Word of God says "go!" it says "do!" and it says "love!". i can go, do and love... i can do all these things while waiting patiently for the other "things" in my life to fall into place. and over the past couple weeks, this same piece of scripture has rung loud in my head like a foghorn. it keeps popping up in sermons, in books, and in people: "...but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

playing this waiting game hasn't been fun. and trust me, i like rollercoasters- heck, i even jumped out of a plane!- but this last month or so has been one rager for sure and i haven't been this sick to my stomach in a long time. so as i wait patiently, and pray without doubt (Mark 11:23-25), i can continue to choose joy in the silence. i can choose to love first, no matter how confusing, how painful, how tired or how many lemons keep getting thrown at my face.

charles spurgen said, "we should love with a love that expects death." this means that i can choose to love first and help prepare those around me for the day when they'll see Jesus face to face. on all other accounts- every other playing field, i want this most. to do this, i'm going to let go. i'm laying these "things" down at the cross and walking in joy so i can love harder.

Blessed Are the "Poor"

one of my favorite things to do on a saturday morning is to just take the morning to reminisce of the places i've been and the people i've met. along with that, i like to pray for those i've met, those i will meet, and those who are being persecuted all over the world right now because of pursuing righteousness.

often times i look back and just give thanks for all i have learned through those experiences and from the people i've shared them with.

today, i was looking through some old pictures of my time in el salvador and found this picture of a women who i remember having eyes that smile Christ's love back at you. i was taken back to laboring along side her, her in her sunday best and me in my tank top and old basketball shoes, just being awed by her simplicity and authentic-ness. the fact that she could carry buckets full of sand and rock on the top of her head back and forth in a skirt was quite impressive alone. not only that, but this eloquent and quiet spirit was teaching me what it means to be beautiful.

when i found this picture today, i clicked to enlarge it and i just sat and remembered the realness of the place and people like her. surrounded by beauty, i remember being overwhelmed with a feeling of simple purity. this is a place God had laid his hand on many times before- He loves this place too. "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom in heaven" popped into my head... "blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.... blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"blessed" means more than happiness. laughter, pleasure, or earthly prosperity are not promised in this life. to Jesus, "blessed" means the experience of hope and joy, independent of outward circumstances. to find hope and joy, the deepest form of happiness, this woman and others there were following Jesus no matter what the cost. i remember that. through their quiet yet hard-working nature, i saw what it means to be beautiful. with not much variety, no floor in their homes or even having the option of different shoes for basketball and for church, i saw what it means to live simply and to still have joy.

i want to be more beautiful in Christ's eyes. i want to be filled. i want to be persecuted.... if it means i will inherit the kingdom. i want to be real like the character of this woman. maybe the "poor" really are not that poor... maybe they are more rich than we'll ever be here. she is the "poor"; blessed is this woman... this is the person God cares about and who He loves and has such excitement about. i feel blessed to have worked along side her in my small way- even if it is just to know and acknowledge today, while looking at her picture, what simplistic beauty really is.

In Your Freedom

as the 4th rolls around this year, i can't help but think of what it means for america and the freedom this great country can stand on. paralleling that, i peer into my own life and compare myself to many others i know and even those i don't know who do not posses the same freedom i do. whether it be someone across the world in a war-torn country or someone sitting next to me at the coffee shop, i am reminded this week of all those who are not standing free in Christ.

paul wrote to believers in rome about the freedom Christ offers. "i consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. the creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. for the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

romans 8:18-21. with all the suffering and pain in this life, as followers, we can be optimistic because of the hope for future glory we hold to. we know the Word tells us that we have a new heaven and new earth to look forward to because God has promised this. think of all those who are enduring pain across the world and don't know this hope.

one person in my life comes to mind especially when thinking about freedom in Christ Jesus. although this person is a nonbeliever, i believe in joining God in the renewal of all things... i know that my Father is reconciling creation to Himself. i have hope that by my co-laboring with the Holy Spirit, this person might one day be reconciled to the cross. call it hope, call it faith, but i honestly feel that this individual will get to share in the wonders of this promise.

as we watch the fireworks this year and remember what those before us have given up so that you and i can be free here in america, let's remember the One who makes us free.... the One who died at Golgotha so that we could experience this kind of freedom. "it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." galations 5:1

Running Quickly

"after she had given him a drink, she said, "i'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." so she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough to feed all of his camels...." (Genesis 24:19-20)

i've been running lately; training for "the great river run" at the end of august. i hate running. i'm not good at it. well, i guess i shouldn't say i hate it because i've actually really wanted to run on days i'm supposed to "rest".... ha! but seriously, it's boring... there's no one to talk to and there's no one to beat except yourself, and sometimes, i loose even then! 

anyhow, as i was getting ready for a run the other day, i remember saying, "God, i reeeally don't want to go running today". and as i was lacing up my second shoe, i heard Him say to me, "I'll go with you, every run".  and with that, i took off.

during that run, i starting thinking about Rebekah's servant heart in Genesis 24. now there's been a lot of commentary and sermons given on this chapter of how men can find wives, but that's not what i get from it. 

brief summary: Isaac needs a wife. his father, Abraham, sends out his servant to find one for him. while praying for guidance, this beautiful girl, Rebekah, walks down to him. he asks her for a drink of water and she "quickly lowered her jar to her hand and gave him a drink". (Genesis 24:18) not only did she quickly do it, she also said she would draw water for all of his camels too. "after she had given him a drink, she said, "i'll draw water for all of your camels too, until they have finished drinking." so she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels." (Genesis 24:19-20) 

looking closer at the text, i think this is something more than teaching us how to find a mate... i think this shows us how we can be people who quickly run and lay down our lives for the sake of the lost. i think God is looking for a servant that will quickly run! this is what God's doing throughout the whole earth... commissioning the Holy Spirit to captivate people to be the bride of Christ. the number one characteristic of the bride is.....drumroll......................... a servants heart! 

in this story, he had 10 camels. camels consume 40 gallons of water each. you do the math. she lowered her jar, quickly, into the well to quench the thirst of these 10 camels... that's 400 times (assuming the bucket or jar was a gallon)! and she does it quickly! it must have taken all day! she is a servant. just as Abraham's servant was looking for a servant for Isaac to marry, God too, is looking for a servant-hearted person to be part of His bride. 

i pray that the generation that's being raised up right now realizes that we need to be servants first. we can be about community, social justice, discipleship, etc.- that's all good, but what's at the root of it all? they all branch off of the fact that Jesus Christ deserves the reward of His suffering. we sacrifice and do all that we do because we want Jesus to be beautiful. so we serve the poor and pray our guts out so the world can see the beauty of Jesus.

Jesus says the meek will inherit the earth. i want to be a meek and humble servant, like Rebekah, that runs quickly. so i'm going to go grab my shoes...

Until It's Time to Move On

"...So many times Christians naturally move toward to the conservative candidate due to pro-life issues with abortion, while they ignore the utter disregard for life already being lived out on earth. Is standing up for unborn children enough to negate the disregard for human life already in motion pertaining to the acts of war and sacrifice? Misplaced energy seems to be a re-occurring theme in our society as of late. We're based on hard lined inconsistency and selective conscience. The left and right are far off the mark at this point, but a line must be drawn somewhere. Secondly, Humanity is meant to self destruct itself, i'm sure of it. We are born to be children of purpose and hope, yet we are filled with lies and sow destruction at every turn. We have no regard for others, just selfish gain on all accounts. What a waste my life has been, so many days of this last quarter century....the only thing bringing any validity is God's grace and purpose.... We spend our days sneaking and lying through sleepless patches of existence. We are going to hurt and be hurt. God is the only thing worth living for. I see this clearly at such random points in life. I know it's truth, but only at the most desperate points do I see it so beautifully and clearly. I've given up on this life, but the future is bright. We just have to do our best to push through and seek God in all things until it's time to move on."

-Tim McTague, Underoath

gosh, i just love what Tim is talking about here. so often i feel the same way! if it were possible for me to count the wasted moments and days of absolute stupidity and selfishness of my life compared to the times where i was living with purpose and direction from God, they would be 100/1. i feel trapped in this body, trapped in this apartment, trapped in this country and it's stupid culture... just trapped on this earth. 

sometimes, those clear and beautiful moments Tim is talking about come to me, and it hits me like a ton of bricks. it just so happened to of have happened twice this week. once, as i was talking with an old friend. he was asking me when the "old jenna" was coming back. he proceeded to ask me questions regarding how i've "changed" and why im living the way i'm living. 

as i continued to speak this truth of how the gospel has transformed my heart, i couldn't help but to sit there thinking of how many times i'm "lying through sleepless patches of existence", and how this life is nothing compared to that of the next. a life that doesn't neglect life- the unborn or existing. a life that's filled with endless praise and worship. a life that's not about war and selfishness. that's the life i wanna live for. that's why i wanna wake up every day and proclaim Christ. those are the reasons i choose to live this way i told him.

the second, happened to be last night. i was at a prayer conference sitting in a room with people from all over the nation and even from other parts of the world who are on a mission to pray. i felt convicted again watching those around me fall on their faces to honor and worship their King. their posture showed their heart and their heart was love and honor. they weren't living for their neighbor next to them or any other reason but to reach out to God. we weren't created to be selfish. we weren't created to live for any other thing in this world. i'm reminded of this often and pledge to wake up in the morning and tell myself that i'm not of this place, my home is not here, i'm not living for this world. 

i wanna push through it... i wanna wake up and seek You Father for purpose and direction until it's time to move on.

Does Satan Exist?

I found this really intriguing and was wondering what some of my "followers" or "readers" thought... take a peak at the link below and watch the clips consecutively. I'd say it probably takes 30-45 min to watch them all. I think this is a topic that doesn't get discussed very often and I found it gut-wrenching and eye-opening all at once. I will say, however, that I praise God for those he's created... no matter what their views or opinions are. In each of them, I see God revealed and I am thankful for that.

DOES SATAN EXIST?

What Do I Know of Holy?

what do i know of you father? on earth and heaven above, what do i know of your love? sometimes, i feel so far from you... even when searching and seeking your face. as i continue to seek you, i thank you for the days i get to experience your overwhelming holiness. i pray that you continue to use me in reconciling those lost back to you. i pray that i see your sovereign character and your holiness in every year that i live, every day of every week, every minute of every day... in every person, in every season of life, in every struggle, in every mission- big or small, and in every breath i take. 

you are the great reconciler. you make me strive for holiness. i will give you praise father... even when i fail over and over again at being holy.

'but just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, "be holy, because i am holy".'

1 peter 1:15-16

'for you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. he was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.'

1 peter 1:18-20

thank you for moments like these in my life. you never cease to amaze me. i'm going to keep chasing you...

Known By Our Love

yesterday, as i was mingling right inside the doors of oak hills (church) i was humbled by the tiniest act of authentic love. this couple, who had recently welcomed their new baby into the world just days before, had brought their new addition to show her off to everyone. as people gathered around to sneak a peak and chat with the new parents, a few grocery bags of homemade food were dropped off around their feet and next to the car seat. being a friend of the couple, i walked with them out to their car to help load up the food. as we were loading it up and saying our goodbyes, i couldn't help but feeling blessed by this simple, yet beautiful act of authentic love shown to these people by members of our body who just wanted to love on them.

lately, i've had conversations with various friends about how the typical american church is known by anything and everything except authentic love. we put on these massive performances at Christmas time with flashy lights and spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to pull these insane operations off. we look at our leaders, pastors, and ministers sitting up high on their pedestals because we've placed them there and they either don't realize it or don't feel the need to come down. we build these fancy buildings with expensive novelties to attract "un-churched people" so that they might feel like they're not really stepping foot in a church; to make them feel comfortable... we spend so much time in our fast powered boats trying to camouflage ourselves so that we can "get the numbers" by a sneak attack here or a hurried service there. 

the biggest characteristic of a Christ-centered church is that the body is knitted together in love. our individual walks with God ought to be community projects. we can't do it by ourselves. how will people know we are followers of Christ? they need to see how we love. that's when the community around us will notice the church. when its members are actively and passionately loving each other... the people sitting next to us on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights. 

"love your neighbor as yourself" the bible says. 1 thessalonians 4:9 talks about how we are directly taught by God to love. "now about brotherly love we do not need to write you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other." you already love yourself so figure out how to love your neighbor- say "God, teach me how to love...". Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize, it is already a reality created by God in Christ in which we participate.  

the church needs to be like-minded in this. if we can do this; be like-minded and gushing with authentic love to each other, the "outsiders" looking in will know us for that. not by our fancy buildings and signs or expensive retreats. we'll be known by our love. 

after all, Jesus founded His empire on love. want to be like Jesus? wash the feet of your neighbor. bring a meal for a family who might be overwhelmed. pray about being aware of the divine appointments God has set up for you throughout your day. let's not zoom through the busyness of each day like we all do and let's just sail along with the wind of God's voice in our sail, directing us to those who need to be shown true, authentic love. 

help me not to be okay just because everything is okay with me. i want to feel the pain that someone else feels... i want to rejoice when others have something to rejoice about... i want to ask, "how can i love you today?" and then i want to actually do it... joyfully.