Until It's Time to Move On

"...So many times Christians naturally move toward to the conservative candidate due to pro-life issues with abortion, while they ignore the utter disregard for life already being lived out on earth. Is standing up for unborn children enough to negate the disregard for human life already in motion pertaining to the acts of war and sacrifice? Misplaced energy seems to be a re-occurring theme in our society as of late. We're based on hard lined inconsistency and selective conscience. The left and right are far off the mark at this point, but a line must be drawn somewhere. Secondly, Humanity is meant to self destruct itself, i'm sure of it. We are born to be children of purpose and hope, yet we are filled with lies and sow destruction at every turn. We have no regard for others, just selfish gain on all accounts. What a waste my life has been, so many days of this last quarter century....the only thing bringing any validity is God's grace and purpose.... We spend our days sneaking and lying through sleepless patches of existence. We are going to hurt and be hurt. God is the only thing worth living for. I see this clearly at such random points in life. I know it's truth, but only at the most desperate points do I see it so beautifully and clearly. I've given up on this life, but the future is bright. We just have to do our best to push through and seek God in all things until it's time to move on."

-Tim McTague, Underoath

gosh, i just love what Tim is talking about here. so often i feel the same way! if it were possible for me to count the wasted moments and days of absolute stupidity and selfishness of my life compared to the times where i was living with purpose and direction from God, they would be 100/1. i feel trapped in this body, trapped in this apartment, trapped in this country and it's stupid culture... just trapped on this earth. 

sometimes, those clear and beautiful moments Tim is talking about come to me, and it hits me like a ton of bricks. it just so happened to of have happened twice this week. once, as i was talking with an old friend. he was asking me when the "old jenna" was coming back. he proceeded to ask me questions regarding how i've "changed" and why im living the way i'm living. 

as i continued to speak this truth of how the gospel has transformed my heart, i couldn't help but to sit there thinking of how many times i'm "lying through sleepless patches of existence", and how this life is nothing compared to that of the next. a life that doesn't neglect life- the unborn or existing. a life that's filled with endless praise and worship. a life that's not about war and selfishness. that's the life i wanna live for. that's why i wanna wake up every day and proclaim Christ. those are the reasons i choose to live this way i told him.

the second, happened to be last night. i was at a prayer conference sitting in a room with people from all over the nation and even from other parts of the world who are on a mission to pray. i felt convicted again watching those around me fall on their faces to honor and worship their King. their posture showed their heart and their heart was love and honor. they weren't living for their neighbor next to them or any other reason but to reach out to God. we weren't created to be selfish. we weren't created to live for any other thing in this world. i'm reminded of this often and pledge to wake up in the morning and tell myself that i'm not of this place, my home is not here, i'm not living for this world. 

i wanna push through it... i wanna wake up and seek You Father for purpose and direction until it's time to move on.